The Modern Hero
by 15stepsdown
Summary: Sonic isn't a hero. He doesn't want to be either, never dreamed of it. He'd pretty much dedicated his entire life to things that would exempt him from being a hero. From theft to assassination, he's a criminal inside and out. However, if such a thing were really true, then why... Why did he get a hero certification? - Basically a 'what if' Sonic was a hero.
1. Prologue

_(One Punch Man OST - Comical Dance)_

He didn't like dealing with other people's problems.

Well, maybe that wasn't the right way to describe it. What would describe his feelings best would be that he just disliked going out of his way. He wasn't a particularly busy man, but he did like to keep to his own and not bother with things like maintaining relationships with friends or family. Not a sad story actually, the attitude just came with having no neighbors. At his age, making friends was more difficult and he hadn't felt a need to contact family in a long time. He never really associated with others too much more from what had been necessary as a retail clerk and as a construction worker, he spent more of his time actually doing his job. Though plenty would think that being a hero required interacting with people, for him, it didn't really matter. All that mattered at the end of the day to him was the paycheck.

Now, he wasn't antisocial but he didn't go out of his way to stick his nose into other people's business. Maybe that wasn't how things went for others. Actually, that probably was the case as it seemed that others had definitely put the time and effort to drag him into theirs. He wasn't sure where he made the wrong step. Genos had clung to him all on his own and with that, started a whole slew of things he really couldn't care less about. If it wasn't gonna offer him a good fight, then he was better off not wasting his time.

Saitama didn't like dealing with other people's problems, so he often left them alone. However, he concluded that by doing so, he wouldn't ever have to. That thought began to change as he sat down at his small table, the sight before him easily making him question why he didn't just tell Genos to stay home and continue their daily routine as usual. He wasn't the type to avoid trouble whenever he found it, but he wasn't stupid enough to just run head-first into it either.

"Genos, c-could you not do that?" Saitama stammered, glancing up at the cyborg.

Genos held a dark expression, standing by the bookshelf with one glowing arm raised like a gun to their current guest's head. It wasn't an ordinary charge either as with every second that passed in uncomfortable silence, Saitama could practically hear his motors whirring. Genos obviously didn't like their visitor. "I am simply taking precautionary measures against this intruder. You never know when he'll strike."

"Yeah but," Saitama blinked. "He's our guest right now; you're being rude."

The burning light within his palm flickered as Genos expressed surprise. "But sensei-"

"Stand down toaster, do as your sensei says," Sonic opened a single eye and settled his gaze on Genos nonchalantly. He shifted in his seiza, the sudden increase of heat emitting from Genos's palm prickling at his scalp. He allowed a wry smirk grow. "And lay off on the arm canons, it's drying out my skin."

A dangerous whirring stirred up in Genos's system as a flash of killer intent passed his gaze. "I don't think you're in any position to making jokes."

Sonic made a forced laugh and shrugged. "Whatever," He closed both eyes again, brimming with confidence as the cyborg only burned. "Do what you want but if you blast me here and now, you'll be setting your own flat on fire."

"Is that permission?" Genos flared.

"Genos."

The young cyborg blinked as the stern tone jerked him to attention. Saitama sat with a serious stare, causing his roommate to quickly cease glowing and desist from aiming a blast at their guest's head. Sonic watched with pure satisfaction as the still fuming male shrunk away, still glaring daggers in his direction even as he retreated into the hall to retrieve some tea.

Saitama let his look fall and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Hm, well he's not that bad. At least not when he's obedient," Sonic commented, raising his voice just enough that the cyborg could easily hear him from the kitchen.

"Okay, quit with the taunting Panic." Saitama really had no idea how he got to this point.

"It's Sonic! Speed O Sound Sonic dammit!"

Probably no idea.

"Sonic, yeah uh," He paused for a moment and slouched over the table. "So, why are you here exactly? You made it clear that you're not here to fight me and you don't seem like the type to just want to hang out so..." Sonic really ever only appeared for one specific reason.

"Right, straight to business," Sonic muttered to himself, completely forgetting his anger. Resuming neutrality, he reached behind his back and easily pulled out what appeared to be a scrunched page. "I came to ask for your advice about this."

Well, a favour wasn't something he expected either. Though then again, everything about what Sonic was doing right now was out of the ordinary. After several unfortunate encounters, Sonic had easily cemented himself as one of the few people who challenged Saitama repeatedly after being beaten. His cocky personality didn't exactly fit with the scene at the moment. Sitting in a seiza was usually Genos's thing, so seeing Sonic sit in one was a bit strange. Though he had to admit, Sonic was less stiff than Genos. He actually looked like he'd done it often like it was normal. Saitama never preferred sitting that way, it usually left him with numb legs and feet. Sonic actually putting an effort into being polite(to Saitama at least) was incredibly out of place, and he frankly thought that Sonic hit his head or something when he walked through the door as normally as he had.

"I got a letter this morning at my door." Sonic placed the paper on the table, working at uncurling it so it laid flat. "After I read it, I realized that it'd be foolish of me to speak to anyone else about it. As much as I hate being forced to...ask for your help, I figured I had no choice."

"Yeah, yeah, so what's it about then?" Saitama watched as the paper was straightened out and scratched an itch on his back. He really didn't like unneeded anticipation. His knee got restless.

Sonic pulled the paper off of the table just as Genos arrived to set down two cups of tea and third for himself. Both exchanged spiteful glares as he proceeded to sit himself down with his legs crossed, opposite of Sonic's position.

Sonic attempted to ignore Genos's glare. Glancing at the paper in his hand once more, he appeared to contemplate speaking before finally forcing the words out of his mouth. "It's...a hero certification."

* * *

 **A/N: Nice to meet you!**

 **First off, a little information. The main version of this fanfic that updates better is on AO3, but I will update this accordingly as well. The version on this site is mainly a backup.**

 **Hope you enjoy! Please review if you'd like!**


	2. You're a What? Part 1

"Uh what?" Saitama blinked.

The ninja let out a frustrated groan and quickly held the paper in front of himself to read out loud. "'In recognition of several acts of heroism and public support, the Heroes Association hereby states Sonic as a certified professional hero.'" He flipped the paper towards the other two, showing off a shiny black letter A printed in large font. "There. Apparently, I've been placed at the bottom of Class A.

Saitama furrowed an eyebrow and leaned over the table, eyes glazing over the smaller writing to confirm to himself what Sonic had just said. "Hero huh?"

Sonic calmly turned his gaze to the table. "Yes, if I accept it."

"You sure it's not a prank?"

"I can try to confirm," Genos pulled a laptop and mouse from under the table and set it on the surface. It didn't take long before the pattering of keys filled the silence and he brought up a site. Saitama pressed his lips together, glancing at Sonic who also seemed to be waiting in anticipation. He could guess that the ninja was hoping to not see his name there. Hell, if he was lucky, it would all be some elaborate prank though the bald hero couldn't quite figure out why anyone would want to play a joke on the assassin.

Genos brought up a page of the Heroes Association site and clicked on the Hero Registry. A few more clicks and they passed a page detailing the different ranks before a list of Class A heroes loaded on a blue backdrop. Scrolling down the list, he eventually got to the bottom of the page before Genos seemed to pause and grabbed the laptop to turn the screen towards the other two.

Sonic wanted to slam his head on the table.

"Here it is, your profile picture and everything under rank 40," Genos stated.

Saitama selected the profile picture and brought up the information page. His eyes widened momentarily. "Whoa, they got your picture, age, height, everything,...weight too," He scrolled down the page, allowing a generous view of a long paragraph of information all visible to the public. Only Genos saw Sonic pale when Saitama sat back. "Yup, they got everything except your PO box. Can't send you fan mail."

"That's because I don't have one," Sonic mumbled dully, then mumbled something about being lucky.

"Ignoring all of that, why would the Heroes Association want you as a hero?" Genos frowned, disliking the new development. If Sonic became a hero, then that would mean that he was technically an ally now, and he didn't want to entertain that thought. "You have a criminal record don't you?"

"Well, I have some ideas." Sonic took a deep breath to collect himself. So his information was online. Everything about himself. All of it, displayed to the internet for anyone to see. No big deal. Maybe he should start placing human-sized mousetraps around his flat. "But what's important is that I never wanted to be a hero in the first place. Didn't even cross my mind. I don't want this."

"Okay, so reject it," Saitama said.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Well first off it'd be pointless, my certification has been made public already. If I rejected it, I'd only draw more attention to myself." Sonic settled his gaze on the table, eyeing the paper that announced the end of his freedom. "Second, that wasn't the only thing in the envelope."

The two observed as Sonic fished out another piece of paper from his back pocket, unfolding it to reveal a long document about two pages in length. He placed it next to his certification, contrasting its minimalist style with a mega-paragraph that didn't seem to end.

A flash of yellow passed Genos's eyes as he scanned the paper to download and read to himself. Saitama however only stared for a long minute, expression serious as Sonic waited patiently at his spot across the table.

...

"So, what's it say?"

"Huh?" Sonic exclaimed, appalled by the question. "Didn't you read it?" What did you spend that minute doing?

"It's boring and it's like million words long." Saitama threw an elbow onto the table and rested his cheek on it, like a child who didn't want to study. "Just tell me what it says, it'd be faster. I mean, you read it right?"

"Yes well-"

"To summarize, Sonic cannot reject it." Genos interrupted.

Saitama blinked a few times, then glanced a the small alarm clock set up by the TV before returning to his roommate. "Genos, did you read all that in one minute?"

"Yes," He nodded. "And according to the Heroes Association Justice Department, Sonic is free to reject the certification if he chooses to but if he does, they will have to arrest him on other charges."

Sonic closed his eyes and cursed, "That damn Minister Officer. I don't know how he found out where I lived but I'll kill him when I get the chance."

"Furthermore, it says that as a hero, all of his actions will be monitored and recorded. If he is found to have committed an unlawful act as a professional hero, his certification will be suspended as well as any compensation."

Genos looked up at his sensei who was still processing the information. Another silence followed as Saitama slowly swiveled his head towards the ninja. "Hey, Sonic, how much is your bounty right now?"

Sonic didn't hesitate to reply. "A hundred million yen, why?"

Yen symbols popped up in Saitama's eyes as a shadow overtook his expression. Genos seemed to take a hint, realizing quickly what his sensei had in mind. Sonic wasn't as observant, confused by the look before he sensed the ill-intent radiating off of the bald hero accompanied by a low giggle.

"H-hey," Sonic broke posture to shift back slightly. "You're not thinking of..."

Genos rose from his seat, unfurling a fist to reveal a threatening glow emit from his incineration cannon. Yellow irises grew bright as he immediately gained a predatory look. Saitama pinched his chin with heightened interest. Sonic broke into a cold sweat, sighting his weapon's pouch on the back counter in the kitchen, a long way away from his reach. Not only that, but the two heroes blocked the way. Even with all of his speed, Sonic couldn't reach of a weapon to defend himself.

No choice but to try and solve the impending conflict with words. Sonic had a gut feeling this wouldn't turn out but he had few in any options. If it were just Genos than maybe he had a chance, but the odds were stacked with the monster of a Class B hero before him. He tried to force a smile, hand absent-mindedly moving to his thigh where his weapons normally would be only to swipe at empty air. "Saitama...you're not gonna hurt me right? I'm your guest remember?" He didn't need to ask Genos that.

Saitama went back to a neutral expression. "Nah, there's an easier way."

"What-"

Genos turned his incineration cannon on the certificate.

* * *

Eventually, they came to a deal.

A steely look came over the bald hero's expression. Eyes sharp, he locked gazes with Sonic, looking for even the smallest sign of deceit. He held his crossed arms firm. "Two days a week, every weekend."

Sonic nodded dully, defeated. "Every weekend," he parroted.

"What is it that you do?" Saitama asked.

The ninja blinked slowly, the gears in his head turning slowly to register the question. He sighted the cyborg between them glare, but he couldn't care less about what he thought. Sonic made a long hum before grumbling, "I come over and do whatever chores you ask of me."

"And?"

Sonic popped a nerve, expression darkening as he forced out the words. "I-I stop assaulting you f-from now on." Damn you, Saitama.

"That's right," Saitama nodded and restated the deal. "Every weekend you come and do chores, maybe grocery shopping if you're lucky. You also quit attacking me every chance you get. In exchange, we won't turn you in to police." He hardened his gaze. "Is that clear?"

Sonic stared off towards the side wall. "Yes," He mumbled.

Saitama closed his eyes and nodded once more to himself. That didn't sound very honest but He returned his sights onto his guest, steely expression unwavering. Whatever. The bald hero sighed. "You know you're lucky that I'm such a noble man. I'm willing to negotiate."

Negotiating with a criminal. Genos thought but didn't dare speak it.

"Anyway so," Saitama dropped his arms and the expression. "The certificate mentioned 'heroic acts' didn't it? What kind of acts are we talking about exactly?" He weighed his next words carefully. Normally he wasn't the type to do so but he felt some pity for the ninja. He didn't want to stress him out while the deal was made. "'Cause no offense, but you don't usually do heroic stuff."

Sonic appeared to ponder this question for a moment, before dropping his head in shame. "Actually, there was something. You saw it online didn't you?"

The bald hero blinked. "Uh, I don't really use the internet much." He jabbed a thumb at his roommate. "Genos practically owns my laptop now."

"Should I cut down on my browsing, sensei?"

"No, it's okay."

Sonic made a confused sound, genuinely surprised by the response. He craned his neck forward. "What? Haven't you heard at all? You should at least remember right?"

The bald hero cocked his head slightly, exchanging odd looks with Genos.

"What are you talking about?"


End file.
